Caged
by Nonnihil Scelestus
Summary: He hates cages. But will he be able to survive after being set free?


Disclaimer: I dont own Star Trek Voyager, naturally. I'm just playing around. No infringement intended.

Author's Note: This could be a stand alone or it could be a series. I'm not sure where I'm going with it yet, as its taking a back seat to my multi-chapter fic 'Beautiful Disaster' that I will be posting soon. Let me know if I should keep going or stop here before I get myself into more trouble. Spoilers for '30 Days'. Slightly AU...ok majorly AU, but what can I say Tom and the Captain just...works!

Caged

He hated cages. All through his life, at one point or another, he had been in a cage. The first time had been detention for inattention at school. Then there was house arrest for sneaking out. Then it was Starfleet and Odile. Gilded cages, those. And after their death, the ghosts and the nightmares became a cage too. That left him booted from Starfleet and landed him in the hands of the Maquis. His grief and rage put him there and that became yet another cage. Of course that was a serious offense to Starfleet and when they caught up with him, he was tossed into a real, physical, solid cage, complete with bars. Then Captain Janeway showed up. She was a little like the exuberant cadet he remembered from years before, in his fathers office. She was only slightly older now and captaincy suited her very well. She offered him an opportunity to escape his cage for a time, but he wasn't sure if she realized that he would only be replacing one cage with another. Then those fateful events had landed them in the Delta Quadrant, where he gained a certain amount of freedom. Yes he was back in Starfleet, so to speak, but the freedom he felt being able to pilot a starship was amazing, far beyond what he remembered, and being at the helm of such an advanced ship was beyond anything he had experienced previously.

Now he was in a cage again, for doing what he felt was right. Now he had to pay the price for letting down the woman who had freed him. Thirty days in a cage and a demotion for his sins. He didn't care that he was in another cell, really. They were all the same to him. What he cared about was the look on her face when she pulled the pip from his collar. The same look on her face everyday when she came to check on him.

Today they were letting him out of the cage. But today meant going back to the way things were and he wasn't sure that was possible. Things had changed too much. He had let down the one person who mattered most. Now he had to repair the damage and he wasn't sure how. He heard the door swish open. She stood there, the firm set of her jaw and the seriousness in her tone as she ordered the guard out, told him her mood and made him cringe. She deactivated the forcefield holding him in and raised an eyebrow when he didn't immediately move to exit his cell. He stepped out and waited for her next move.

"Mr. Paris, lets not have a repeat of this." Captain Janeway stated without humor.

"Agreed." Tom answered softly, voice rough from disuse. Janeway nodded and turned to lead him to his quarters.

"I expect you to resume your duties on Alpha shift tomorrow." She said when they ended their long silent walk to his door.

"Yes ma'am." She nodded and left him standing there. It was early in the day and he was left with nothing to do . So he paced his quarters much like he had his cell. He did push ups and then showered. When that was done he paced around his quarters again. He didn't dare leave them. He may have been released from the brig, but he wasn't going to test the freedom he had been given. No, he would play it very safe for a long time and be on time to every shift on the bridge and with the doctor, or he would be in his quarters. After hunting up his rubber ball from the last racquet ball game he had played, he bounced it against the bulk head and viewport until his stomach reminded him of the time and the fact that he hadn't eaten. Alpha shift had ended and it was definitely time for dinner. He wanted to eat in his quarters away from the crowds, but he wanted to see his friends as well, the people who hadn't been allowed to see him during his time in the brig. He decided to eat in the mess hall, just to see Harry and B'Elanna.

Tom entered the mess hall. It was busy and Neelix was bustling about happily chatting with everyone. Harry and B'Elanna were at their usual table, laughing over something that had happened during the day. No one noticed him standing in the doorway. He picked up a tray and plate of whatever meal Neelix had cooked up. Still no one noticed him. He sat at an empty table and picked at his food, suddenly not hungry. His stomach roiled and his heart raced. Had it only taken 30 days for all of them to forget his existence. After a few miserable minutes he got up and put his tray into the recycler and walked back to his quarters. As he walked, he started to shiver. When he was in the brig he had looked forward to at least seeing his friends, but now he didn't even have that. Tom left the lights off in his quarters and picked up the blanket off the end of his bed and sat under the view port in the corner. He felt alone. He used to enjoy being alone, but time on Voyager had changed that. He wanted company, wanted friends.

Captain Janeway sat in her quarters, only four doors down from Tom's. She had walked in the other side of the mess hall, just as Tom rose from the table where he had been sitting alone and unnoticed. Her heart melted at the sight. She had been angry with him, but he had done his duty as an officer and accepted the consequences. She had let her anger fade, once he had been released, because deep down underneath all of her training and her Captain's Visage, she secretly agreed with what he had done, not that she could ever tell him that. As she sat in her own darkened quarters, she wondered if she should check on him.

"Computer, location of Ensign Paris?" She asked.

"Ensign Paris is in his quarters." The computer intoned. Janeway nodded to herself and rose to exit when her door chimed.

"Enter" She called. The door revealed Chakoay with a charming smiled. She sighed silently in resignation. "Commander, what brings you by?"

"The revised duty roster for Beta shift." He answered, charming smile still in place. He wanted something, she could tell.

"Leave it on my desk, I'll get to it shortly."

"Do you want to play a round of pool with Harry, B'Elanna, and me? I figured you could play on B'Elanna's team, that way Harry and I might stand a chance."

"Not tonight Commander, I have something, I was just about to do. Perhaps tomorrow night?"

"You're on. Good evening, Captain."

"Commander." When Chakotay was gone and the door shut behind him, she again asked for Tom's location. It was the same. "Is he awake?" She added as an afterthought.

"Affirmative." The computer droned. Janeway walked out the door and the few paces down the hall to Tom's quarters. She rang the chime and waited. There was no response. She rang the chime again. Even if he knew who was at the door, Tom would never refuse HER entry. She waited a few minutes more, before overriding the door. She looked around but didnt see him. She peeked around the doorway to his room and finally located him, lit only by starlight, under the viewport.

"Tom." She called softly. He didnt respond, until she walked over, knelt down by him, and touched his arm. He jumped at her sudden appearance.

"What..." The words trailed off and he shook his head as if to clear it. "Captain." He said finally.

"Are you alright?" She asked, taking his large hand in her small one. He just looked at her, then went back to staring at the stars.

"I'm alone." He whispered quietly, when she moved to get up. "You did what you had to do, what you thought was right, but I'm alone now."

"No, Tom, you are never alone. I'll always be here, no matter what. Even when you were in the brig, I had to come see you everyday. I couldnt stay away. I was angry with you for doing what you did, because you disobeyed my orders, and got us into a little bit of a mess. Deep down in my heart I knew you did what all of us wanted to do, and even though I punished you, I never stopped caring."

"Well you're the only one."

"I saw what happened in the Mess Hall earlier. I'm as shocked as you are. I figured at least B'Elanna and Harry..." She trailed off when she saw the expression on his face.

"B'Elanna and Harry are together now. B'Elanna and I were never meant to be. Those two will be good for each other. But I figured that they would at least want to see me too."

"I'm sorry Tom, I didnt realize."

"You've had other things on your mind. More important things than my personal problems."

"Still, I wish I had know, or that you had told me. We used to talk, you and me, but it seems like life keeps getting in our way. I'm sorry for that. I'd like to make it up to you, if you'll let me." He glanced at her face, watching her eyes, not her expression, and nodded slowly. He knew she meant everything she said. "Good." She said softly before adjusting her position so she was sitting instead of kneeling next to him.

After that point they had a standing appointment for dinner on Friday after Alpha shift ended. It wasnt long before it was two nights, then three. Tom slowly became himself again, with a few changes. He could still be charming when he wanted to be, but he didnt flirt with any of the ladies who would have previously caught his eye, nor did he accept any invitations offered by said ladies. Harry and B'Elanna's relationship bloomed and while there were uncomfortable moments between them, they were still friends.

More often then not, Tom and the Captain could be found together, which naturally caused rampant speculation among the crew. They ate breakfast and dinner together. Tom took the Captain skiing on the holodeck. Then she took him diving. They were always together after shift. Chakotay was the first to bring it up with the Captian.

"What are you doing, Kathryn?" He asked her after cornering her in her ready room on evening.

"I dont know what you are talking about, Commander" She countered.

"Paris." He clarified.

"I'm not sure what you mean, but I'm fixing a friendship that never should have been broken. Friends spend time together. Tom is very smart and very creative. I think everyone underestimates him, even I have in the past. I'm trying to change that." Came her reply.

"Fixing a friendship?"

"Yes. I've known Tom since he was a teenager and I was a first year cadet, through his father. We hit it off and became friends. But after I graduated, we start to drift apart due to distance and then after the incident, which ended in him being booted from Starfleet, I lost track of him. Then he was in Auckland. I've always tried to keep in touch with him, but that wasnt always possible. How else did you think I knew who and where to go to, to get a guide into the Maquis base in the Badlands?" Chakotay pondered her words for a moment. It made more sense than it should have. But there was something in her voice, that spiked the green monster of jealousy in him.

"Are you sleeping with him?" The question came out before he could stop it. This wasnt the Commander talking. This was said green monster rearing its ugly head. The Captain's mask, which had dropped, thinking she was in the presence of another friend, suddenly slammed back into place. Chakotay could almost hear the clang of it smashing into place, and cringed mentally.

"That is none of your business, Commander." She answered icily before ordering him out. She sat for a moment contemplating his last question. Did the entire crew think the same? Yes, she had always had a soft spot for Tom, but surely she didnt let that affect her duty, or did she? The only thing to do would be to talk to Tuvok. She checked the chrono and decided it could wait until the morning, and added a request for a meeting to her schedule for the next day, first thing. Then she shut down the console. It was time to quit for the day. She was tired and still angry at Chakotay for insinuating untrue things and for being jealous. Perhaps she could have some time in Master Da Vinci's studio.

She had given Tom access to some of her holodeck programs, and Master Da Vinci's studio was one. So when she appeared there after shift, it was no surprise to find him seated at one of the benches playing with a mound of clay. She joined him for a moment, peeking over his shoulder.

"How is it, you always know where to find me? How do you know where to go, so you arrive before I do?" She asked when he paused.

"That's easy. I watch where you go after meeting with certain people. After meeting with Tuvok, you usually go to your quarters, Chakotay here, B'Elanna and Harry Astrometrics, which in turn sends you to your quarters or Velocity with Seven. If you meet with the Doctor you go to the Mess Hall because he complains that you dont eat enough, which sends you to Neelix and then to your Ready Room.

"But where do I go after meeting with you?"

"We meet during the day, when you're on duty and then we're usually together after shift. You and I hang out as they said in the 21st century."

"We do indeed. Tom..." She paused, unsure of what to say about Chakotay's question.

"Just tell me. I dont like long, drawn out, dramatic pauses."

"Alright. Chakotay came to me at the end of shift..."

"As evidence by the fact that we're in Da Vinci's Studio."

"Smartass. Let me finish." Tom nodded in assent. "He accused us of sleeping together. But there was an underlying current of jealousy and worry that I will play favorites." Tom looked shocked for a moment and then a wide grin broke across his face. "It's not funny, Tom. This could cause some serious issues with the crew. We certainly dont need another arguement between the Maquis crew members and the original crew again." Tom kept smiling.

"I hate to tell you this but there has always been speculation we were sleeping together. Since the beginning of the voyage, when everyone figured out that you sprang me from Auckland. But the real reason I'm smiling is because I've made Chakotay jealous and that is something I thought I'd never see in my life. But you are right. It could still cause problems with the crew. We can stop spending so much time together. I wouldnt want anyone to accuse me of hogging the Captian's time."

"But what about favortism on duty? Do I show you more leniency, or give you tasks that I wouldnt normally?"

"The only way to know for sure is to talk to Tuvok, but when it comes to punishment, you dont give me special treatment, if anything, you're harder on me than anyone else and you only give me tasks you know I can handle."

"Thank you. I do have a meeting with Tuvok though, to get his opinion as well, but thanks."

"No problem. I just cant help being a Captain hog though. I like you too much." She laughed. She could always trust Tom to lighten her mood. "I just wish that I'd actually had that one particular pleasure before Chakotay accused you of sleeping around." Tom leaned back agains the bench, his clay forgotten. He knew what he said would have an impact. He was just waiting to see which reaction he would get, shock for sure, but after that, who knew. Kathryn was unpredictable. When he finally did look up, she was staring at him, one eyebrow arched. The look that said she was contemplating if he had been serious or jesting. She watched his eyes. Tom's face could tell you anything but the truth, but his eyes never lied. He was serious. Tom watched her flush and ducked his head. She was flattered, but it wasnt right that they have a relationship beyond friendship. He could hear the argument already forming on her lips. Then she would start to pull away from him and he would be back to being alone. Perhaps he would just become a hermit. Then no one could hurt him. He didnt look up when she laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Tom, look at me." She commanded softly. He finally brought his gaze back up. A careful mask of indifference in place, the one he used when he was preparing to be hurt again. She sighed softly. "I was wishing the same thing, when Chakotay asked. I didnt think it was fair to accuse me of something I had never had the opportunity to experience." His face showed surprise. She wanted him. She wasnt repulsed. She saw the possobility of being more than friends. But she didnt say that she would act on it. He let the mask start to fall back into place, waiting for the 'but' he knew was coming next. "I wouldnt mind finding out either. I've been thinking lately what it would be like to kiss you, touch you. I wont deny it, and I wont tell you that we shouldnt, because I want it too much, and I want you too much. I care about you Tom, more than a friend should." He didnt know what to say. It was a dream come true. She cared about him more than a friend. She didnt issue the dreaded 'but'. She accepted it and she was prepared to go forward with their relationship, if he wanted to. She was leaving it up to him. He slowly smiled at her. She was like hot summer sunshine, warm clear water, bright fresh untouched snow, and the exhilaration of a first flight all rolled into one. All his favorite things in one package.

"I think you just made my day, week, month, and year in one single moment. I care too, more than a friend should. I've been falling in love with you since that day, in my dad's office, the first time we met. Your letters were what kept me going in the Academy after you graduated, your voice is what made me tell the truth after the accident. You kept popping into my head when I was in Paris trying to drink myself into an early grave, and made me stop short every time. The image of you is all that kept me sane in Auckland. I was so surprised to see you that day you got me out. I wasnt sure you were real, or another one of my fantasies, and I had finally lost my marbles. Then here on Voyager. Everything I've done, I've done to be a better person for you, because you expected it of me, desired it of me. I wanted to be the person you saw I could be, simply because you saw me in a way no one else did. You gave me hope, something no one else before or since has. You know I asked Tuvok about what part he thought I would play in the mutiny, if it came to that. He put me as the one who would defend you and stay with you, like he himself would. I asked him why and he said that it had never occured to him, to put me anywhere else. He was right. If it came down to that, I would choose you everyday of the week, and twice on Sunday, even if you were wrong, because I love you. It's not just about you saving me either. This started as a crush when I was teenager, but it's grown since then. I cant help but love you. You are everything I could ever hope for and want, all rolled into one compact, yet spunky package. I dont care what Chakotay says, accuses, asks, that will never change. If it comes down to it. I will resign my field commission of Ensign, put up my uniform, and take the job of being volunteer plasma tube scrubber and all around Janitor to erase any tension or problem caused by us being together, just to be with you. I love you that much." He saw the tears start to shimmer in her eyes and one make its slow descent down her cheek. He reached up and gently wiped it away with his thumb, pulling her close in the same gesture. He didnt kiss her, but simply held her, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping his arms around her. He felt her tuck her own arms around his neck and lean into his embrace, her tears staining his t-shirt. They stayed that way for a few minutes, before she pulled back, eyes dry and a small smile on her face. She leaned her forehead against his, holding his hands. Then she stepped back another step and took a deep breath, as he looked up as well. She didnt release his hands.

"We'll figure it out. We'll be together somehow. I love you too, Tom. You are my knight, in slightly tarnished armor. Dont hang up your uniform just yet. I'll talk to Tuvok tomorrow and we'll see how it goes from there. For now, lets get some dinner. I'm starved." She said with a grin. Tom laughed and followed her out the door. They would work it out. They would find a way to stay together because they both wanted it and because they loved. But what they didnt realize was that Chakotay had heard everything. He had entered the studio to apologize to Kathryn for his comments, and gotten caught in their declarations of love. He felt like such a ass, after seeing how much they loved each other. He would leave things alone with her and Tom. It was time to let go and move on. He would find a way to be happy with someone who wanted the same things he did. Perhaps someone who was part of the crew, perhaps someone who joined their crew at a later point, or perhaps he would learn to live alone and be content with himself. Time would only tell. For now though, he would ache and he would hurt, but he would find a way out of the cage his love had made for his heart, and he would move on with his life.


End file.
